Ninja Burger Employee Manual
You probably already know that all Ninja Burger ninja employees are trained in the 20 secret Ninja Juhakkei, as well as the dreaded Two-Spatula Style. But there's a lot more to it than that, and that's where this employee manual comes in.
However, unlike most employee manuals, this manual is not written for employees. It is written by employees. Because of this, Ninja Burger takes no responsibility for any death, dismemberment or embarassment which may occur from the use of this manual as a guide for your behavior or actions, on or off the job. Not that we would take any responsibility for any of that even if we had written it, mind you.
Currently, the Ninja Burger Employee Manual contains:
Ninjitsu as revealed herein is essentially a pragmatic art. It will employ any technique from any source which will serve its purpose. It strives always to be one with the natural order of things. This is the true meaning of passing without leaving a trace. It is said that the Ninja can walk through walls; that when they are looked for, they cannot be seen; when listened for, they cannot be heard; and when they are felt for, they cannot be touched. A Ninja never swaggers-his gait is firm and straight ahead. He neither makes a show of force, nor beats his own drum. This is known as Mugei-Mumei-No-Jitsu, "no name, no art." A Ninja does not surrender peaceably, nor does he carry on his person documents which might implicate his superiors. The Ninja acts alone, relying on his own ability. He is one with himself. What will happen in one's life is already written, but one must choose to be there. The way that can be told is not the eternal way...it cannot be explained or defined, it can only be experienced. This is the Way of Ninjitsu.
Origin of the Ninja
The belief that Ninja originated in ancient Japan as mercenaries and assassins is totally false. Untrue. A myth. A stupid conviction developed by the lazy in order to avoid doing any research short of asking your next door neighbor, "Yo! What's a ninja?" to which they will usually respond, "Ancient Japanese mercenary and assassin!" They should ban free speech solely on the fact that it caused some people think that ninja(s) are Japanese. (Although even I, the knowledgeable scholar and great historian, am not sure if the plural of ninja is ninjas or ninja.)
True, the last remaining school of ninjutsu is in Japan, but hey, that's the same as the last remaining, the same as, err... well I can't think of anything that compares with it, but the point is that stuff like that happens. People move from one place to another based on climate, profit, and the amount of "Once a Year Sales" the area runs. The first ninja actually got his start in America in the 1300s.
It was at a poker game. More specifically, a long poker game, and even more specifically, a nine day long poker game. Anywho, Jack San and his friend were betting only ten cents on each game (So neither of them would lose much and they could still keep their friendship.) After two days Jack had last thirty-six thousand dollars and sixty cents.
Not knowing what trick to play, but knowing that whatever trick it was he most likely couldn't pay for it, Jack pulled out a sword and started hacking at the table. Then he ran away as fast as possible. The true art of the ninja: hit and run. (That is why some ninja(s) are often confused with drunk drivers.)
He later came back when he realized that they had been playing with his deck. He grabbed it, hacked up the table a few more times for good measure, and then ran away as fast as possible.
And so he was the first ninja.
The ninja is one of the hardest types of guys to date. These fellas love to assassinate politicians and scale buildings in the dead of night. But beware, behind that rough exterior is a secretive, silent "I'm never going to admit to you that I'm petrified of clowns" type. So here's a few pointers on how to woo your favorite ninja:
Other ways to use food for ninja ways
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