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Ninja Burger Haiku By You

Window crashes in
Sounds of trash can toppling down
Next time better tip
 
Where did it come from
Nothing was there before now
I turned around; food
 
Opening the door
Where is the delivery-
Oh, there it is. Mmm.
 
Speedy ninja man
Bring burgers to my home now
Or die in attempt
 
My dog knows better
Than to bark at man in black
He tried it one time

- C. Hamlin
                                   Sizzling on the grill
                                   Twin spatulas flipping to
                                   Katana-sliced bun
                                   
                                   Ancient folded blades
                                   Weave a deadly dance in air,
                                   Slicing tomatoes
                                   
                                   That sound... intruder!
                                   I let shuriken fly and
                                   Salt most honored fries
                                   
                                   Oops.. um, sorry, boss.
                                   Kneeling with wakizashi
                                   I speak my last words...
                                   
                                   "Combo number three
                                   Is done... deliver swiftly!"
                                   ... then die with honor.
                                   
                                   - jewel
I place an order
for a Ninja Burger meal
Silent tasty food

In the dead of night
I turn and look behind me
Ninja with sandwich

Money in his hand,
he bows quite honorably,
and he vanishes.

"How did he do this?"
I think as I eat my meal.
"Secret of Ninja."

- PingReset-san
                                   Webvan dishonor
                                   Customers go hungry now
                                   Ninja Burger saves
                                   
                                   WebVan coupons good
                                   for fifty cents off right now
                                   at Ninja Burger
                                   
                                   Always hot and fresh
                                   Guaranteed delivery
                                   or else, seppuku
                                   
                                   Call, there in half hour
                                   don't need credit card number
                                   they already know
                                   
                                   Did I unlock door?
                                   Is alarm on? Never mind
                                   Food's already here
                                   
                                   Credit card is billed
                                   Delivery, 90 bucks?!?!?
                                   Better not complain
                                   
                                   Ninja business plan:
                                   no unhappy customers...
                                   to be left alive

                                   - Anonymous
                                   (originally posted at FuckedCompany.com)

'Twas the night before Christmas, a Monday I think,
and in my small fridge I found no food or drink.
My stomach growled in hunger and despair.
I had to find some food, but where where where?!?

My children were nestled all snug in their beds,
confident that, come morning, they would be fed.
If I ordered out, that would make things alright,
but who would deliver so late at night?

Suddenly on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
that I ran to the window to see what was the matter.
Then what to my wondering eyes should appear,
but a Ninja and Samurai with their battle gear.

Then what did I see in the Ninja's left hand?
Two bags of take out; the Ninja burger brand!!
This Ninja that had come, he would save the day,
but first he'd get the Samurai out of his way.

As leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
the Ninja was quick, stealthy and sly.
The Samurai attacked, but missed by a mile,
And though his face was covered I'm sure the Ninja did smile.

Before he could recover from his misguided blow, 
the Samurai was struck, and fell face down in the snow.
Then quick as a flash, the Ninja was gone,
leaving the Samurai's corpse, to rest on my lawn.

Then from behind me, I heard a soft sound.
My heart skipped a beat and I spun around,
and there on the counter, was a sight for sore eyes;
two little human meals, a Ninja burger and fries.  

I put my hand to my chest, and let out a sigh.
My problem was solved, despite that foolish Samurai, 
and as I took my first bite, I heard a voice from the sky, 
"Taste the Ninja burger difference, or die!!!"

- Zee

                                   Like winter snowfall
                                   if i receive my food cold
                                   bitter seppuku
                                   
                                   - Haruyasu Kosugi -san
Seppuku Pokey

You put your sword in your stomach
You take your sword out of your stomach
You put your sword in your stomach and you shake it all around
You do the sepukku to save the honor of your family 
That's what it's all about.

- Mateo0007
                                   Thirty-two minutes:
                                   Customer's not happy with
                                   Late delivery.

                                   I have been disgraced; 
                                   Spill my entrails on the floor;
                                   The burgers were late.

                                   - Haruko Ogata-san
silent man in black
poised birdlike in my bushes
leaves a combo meal

caltrop of bright steel
concealed between meat and cheese
reminds one to tip

arterial blood
mingles like husband to wife
becomes one with ketchup

-One OverZerO
                                   Silent snow essence
                                   Pond edges frozen softly
                                   Withered grass remains
                                   
                                   Crisp Autumnal day
                                   An organized mutiny
                                   Martyred leaves detach.
                                   
                                   Her poisoned beauty
                                   Resting unannounced within--
                                   Ninja-to scabbard
                                   
                                   From his destiny.
                                   Moving slowly, suddenly,
                                   The man walked away
                                   
                                   Delicate ferns grow
                                   In the shadows of the oak
                                   Embroidered sunlight
                                   
                                   Summit conference
                                   Yields Paper Tiger Regime,
                                   War within the sects.
                                   
                                   -Gray Ninja
My stomach grumbles
Growing ever hungrier
Nothing in the fridge

Call up pizza place
Far too expensive, I think
They don't deliver

That's when I see it-
ninja running across lawn
quickly he is gone

Call Ninja Burger
Their food is appetizing
Plus, they deliver

"30 minutes or
else"-that is the Ninja code-
yes...but or else what?

I notice the breeze
The window is now open
Ninja stands behind.

"100 yen.  NOW!"
he says, and I pay then ask
"What if food is late?"

"SEPPUKU!" he screams
then jumps out open window.
Swiftly he is gone.

I do not tip him-
That's against the Ninja code.
My food is awesome.

-Rdish
                                   "No Sweat"
                                   ninja carry meal
                                   fight samurai on rooftop
                                   swift delivery
                                   
                                   "Failed Daylight Raid"
                                   feel Dim Mak death touch
                                   haha foolish samurai
                                   can't steal secret sauce
                                   
                                   "Costly Mix Up"
                                   dog feel prick on neck
                                   delivery made on time
                                   dog stiff, oops wrong dart
                                   
                                   "Price Of Failure"
                                   spatulas move swift
                                   three burger hit grill, one gone
                                   boss struck, ninja die
                                   
                                   ~Hisao Fujita-san
Soft like leaves in wind
Does my burger come for me.
Tip two hundred yen.
-
Black on black on black.
The ninja wears a uniform;
Babe magnet, for sure.
-
Our ninja are so skilled
That there is no need to say
"You want fries with that?"
-
We need no ad like,
"Ancient Chinese secret, huh?"
Our burger well known.
-
Cherry blossoms fall
As ninja and samurai
Battle for service.

One man lay down dead.
A knock on the door. Who won?
"Ninja Burger." "Thanks."
-
How is our Onion
Death Blossom like the ninja?
Both go with no trace.
-
Ancestors teach us
The secret of hand-broiled
No-meat, all-soy goods.

Many a rookie
Burns himself with the mis-use
Of ancient knowledge.

Proper mastery
Can take students years to learn.
It is well worth it.

With hand-broiled soy,
Customer taste the true chi
Of the master chef.
-
Ninja in the tree
Contemplates the Zen koan
Of Joshu and MU

"Did he mean the moo
of cow? The meat we mock with
two handfuls of soy?"

"Uh-oh." The watch shows
Our ninja philosopher
He must deliver.
-
Flip, sizzle, fizz.
Foodstuffs of Ninja Burger
Have no innate stealth.
-
Samurai chicken.
While he may run and hide out,
The sandwich tastes good.
-
"HI-YA!""Ow, that smarts!"
In training the ninja learns
To defend himself.

On city rooftop,
Lone delivery ninja
Defeats foe quick.
-
Silence is the key.
The Art of Stealth takes nothing
but utter silence.
-
Fanboy write haiku
To offer as most grand gift.
Domo, Aeon-san.

- Rigil Paix


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