Ninja Burger Stories By You
Date: Mon, 03 Dec 2001 21:05:43 +0000 From: Mr. *** [*********@hotmail.com] To: firstname.lastname@example.org Subject: Seibei Fujiwara-san's Delivery In the darkness above the rooftops, Seibei Fujiwara-San crouched motionless in the dim half light of the city lights bounced from clouds. There was a light misting of rain, and some fog, but it was a quiet night. Seibei Fujiwara-san was at peace with himself and the world. He had been making deliveries all night, and trying to bringing honor to himself and Ninja-Burger. Also, he had been tipped well. All was right, except for the constantly nagging failure from his past. He did not dwell on this however. Fujiwara nimbly leaped across an alley and rolled silently into the shadow of an elevator housing. He briefly adjusted his sword and tightened his wrist gauntlets. Catlike, he crept to the edge of the building and glanced over. Below he saw a quiet street. A few cars driving through this mostly residential block, back to the main thoroughfares. Only a few streets away was Broadway, the main drag in this part of Queens. Fujiwara needed to get across it unseen, and make his final delivery before returning to the dojo. Fujiwara cleared his mind of distractions and opened himself to the night. He sensed the hidden rhythms that pulsed through the city, and began his run. He was attuned to all of variables that made up the world as we know it. Winds, weather, motion and stillness, light and dark. He was silent and unseen, faster than the eye, quieter than an empty temple. In one smooth motion he had readied his grappling hook as he approached the last building before he would have to cross eight floors above a busy street. He swung it with the easy grace of a child with a favorite yo-yo and watched arc over the traffic below. He judged perfectly the time to pull gently back on the rope and secure the hook tightly and with a minimum of noise. The soft clank of metal on stone was covered by the honking of the horns below, and was heard by no one. No one save Izumi Nakamaru. As Fujiwara nimbly raced along the rope, he felt a sudden wrongness in the pattern of the world. He executed a swift cartwheel and grabbed the rope in both hands and swung around once, in so doing avoided the arrow racing towards his heart. It barely missed him, enough that Fujiwara could feel the wind of it's passing. He flipped up and onto the rooftop and quickly found himself having to avoid another deadly missile. He snapped his body to the left, leaning back and in the smooth motion of one picking a feather from the air grasped the arrow in his right hand. His muscles did not tremble. From the shadows across the rooftop stepped a dark figure. Fujiwara narrowed his eyes as he recognized the man's slightly unsteady gait. That mild limp caused by a leg fracture from three years ago. He knew that break well, for it was he himself who had shattered the leg with a crippling blow. Ordinary men might have still been using a cane to move around. But not this man. Not Izumi Nakamaru. Izumi Nakamaru was a deadly killer, a dog without honor who delighted in the slaughter of others and rejoiced in the pain of his victims. He was all things that ninja should never fall to. He had also been fired Ninja Burger those three years ago. He had been caught thieving from the dojo, and was ordered to commit seppuku. It was Fujiwara who had caught him and Fujiwara who had been sent to administer the beheading, at the suicide. But when the moment came, Nakamaru rose up and struck at Fujiwara. Only Fujiwara's mastery of the Two Spatula Technique saved him, he shattered Nakamaru's leg but was unguarded on his left and could not deflect a dart Nakamaru had cunningly concealed in his hand. It cost him his eye. Nakamaru had never intended to restore his honor in death, but rather was interested only in vengeance. He rendered Fujiwara half blind and escaped by detonating a small yet powerful bomb. Fujiwara had been prepared to die by his own hand for his failure to destroy Nakamaru, when his hand was stayed by his master. His only hope of restoring his honor was to kill Nakamaru. In the meantime, he might continue his service to Ninja Burger as a delivery ninja. And now three years later, Fujiwara stood face to face with his worst enemy, the rogue ninja who lived beyond honor, Izumi Nakamaru. "Fujiwara -- I have come for you!" The twisted ninja's voice was rife with promised violence. "You will pay for the dishonor you brought me!" Fujiwara said nothing, knowing in his soul that he had not dishonored Nakamaru, he had done all that on his own. His silence told Nakamaru himself the same. Seibei Fujiwara drew his own sword and prepared to be cut down. He knew that greater honor lay in dying in the service of his masters than in defeating Nakamaru, but was also prepared for victory. Should he prevail here he would deliver this last burger and return the head of Nakamaru to the dojo. Fujiwara charged into battle with Nakamaru without hesitation, as was the correct way and the night air was charged with the sounds of their conflict. Fujiwara was aware that this was not a battle between honorable men. He expected everything and thus was prepared when Nakamaru, having blocked a cross body strike drew a short blade from the haft of his katana and flicked it with deadly accuracy towards his head. Nakamaru was expecting to at least distract Fujiwara with the short knife, and if possible even blind his other eye with the blade -- in much the same way he had defeated and escaped him before. Nakamaru was surprised however to see Fujiwara mistakenly turn his face away from the blade a fraction of a second too late. It plunged into Fujiwara's blind eye and he fell dead. Nakamaru was elated. He thought there might have to be a protracted battle, trickery, feints within feints, but this was too easy. Seconds after he fired his first arrow at Fujiwara, the man had fallen to a simple ploy. It clearly demonstrated his superiority over the fallen Fujiwara and his superiority over Ninja Burger. Nakamaru rested on his good leg, in the crane posture, savoring the victory and looking out over Queens. Perhaps he would open his own delivery service -- a Ninja Pizza perhaps, and wrest control of the city from the fools at the Ninja Burger. It was Izumi Nakamaru's last thought. A silvery flash of tempered steel and Nakamaru died with a surprised look in his eyes. His head rolled in a lazy semi circle coming to rest against Fujiwara's foot. Seibei Fujiwara stood over the body of his foe, and plucked the knife from the socket of his now freely bleeding blind eye. He wiped the blade clean on the weak and foolish ninja's chest and cleaned his own blade before sheathing it. From his belt he pulled a delivery bag and placed Nakamaru's head in it. He glanced once at the stars above as he placed a bandage over the gaping and ruined socket of his already blind eye noting that this had cost him precious minutes He had only 6 minutes left to cross another eight long blocks to make the 30 minute cut-off for delivery. Plenty of time for a ninja. p.s. - I love NINJA-BURGER!!!
Date: Mon, 12 Mar 2001 16:38:12 +0000 (GMT Standard Time) From: He-Who-Walks-In-Light-As-Shadow [infiltrator@***********.com] To: email@example.com Subject: The way of sustenance Gassho Rei! Long have I travelled on the paths of the enlightened Dragon, hidden from the eyes of even the secret masters, by nothing but their own gaze. I have moved in the seven prescribed ways, and studied in depth the five truths. Even so, I do not sing my praises, for all I have learnt is how I may be nothing, and of nothingness. To move without moving, to see without looking, to know even without knowing - this is the true path. And yet you must both walk the path, and spurn it. I have returned to this world for one reason alone - none here are strong enough to count themselves my enemy, and none here are wise enough to count themselves my ally. I have returned from the celestial library, wherefrom I stole the following text: "Of the 12 harmonies we have yet not mentioned 3. Of these 2 are hidden, as the wind is hidden from the deepest earth. Of the other, only the most foolish openly speak, for the vengance upon those who presume to speak loud the ways of BurgerDo is terrible indeed. The way of the Burger. BurgerDo. An art now thought lost, as six of the seven most high masters took the secret to their graves, and the seventh ventured into the mountains of the moon, and has not been seen for over a hundred lifetimes. It is rumoured that this art allowed the adept to perform wonders beyond the spheres of man, and animal, even to reach the sphere of the heavens. To leap above castles, and vanish behind a cloud. To cut the blades of opponents with their blades, and even to use napkins or polypropalene wrapping to cut through thick stone walls, given only a moment to focus their Chi." Would this lost art be in any way related to NinjaBurger? I would be gladdened to hear of it's survival, should you care to relate the tale. If you do not wish to inform me of the history of NinjaBurger, all you have to do is not think about it during the time you've been reading this Email. Ah. Thankyou. He-who-walks-in-light-as-shadow. -~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~- "Little wind blowing Smaller still is my passing Through shadows embrace"
Date: Fri, 16 Mar 2001 21:53:14 -0500 From: Fleeting Shadow <********@hotmail.com> To: firstname.lastname@example.org Subject: humble servant submits account of his most recent delivery Here master, is attached the account of my latest delivery. (i am so stealthy, you did not even know you employed me!) but i thought my humble accomplishments would bring master pleasure. Blacker than the hearts of the evil Samurai Burger cooks, is the cloak of the ninja. Slipping through the alleyways, he races silently towards his destination. So stealthy is his passing, that he did not even leave ripples in the puddles of the alley. Before he is seen by those on the streets, he scales the wall of the building next to him. He checks his watch, he has twenty minutes, plenty of time to spare. On the roof, he leaps across the street to the next building. Running from roof to roof, he is no more than a passing thought, no one notices, or even believes there could be such things as ninjas, so stealthy are they. He is a shadow, a patch of liquid darkness, he is one with the burger, he is ninja. Now he found himself in the residential area of the suburbs. Avoiding streetlights, he took advantage of the expensively landscaped lawns, and all of the shrubbery to easily slip past the houses full of happily dining families. Except one house, that house, was his mission. he had accepted the mission, knowing full well the danger it implied. But thus was the way of the ninja, he laughed at danger. Silently of course. Nearing the house which he was to deliver to, he heard a car coming, looking back, he realized it was a pizza delivery man. Damn, he thought, he had to stop that car, it was heading towards his house! The customers must not get pizza first, ninja reputation, not to mention life is on the line! Grabbing some caltrops, he flung them into the road. When the cars tires hit the sharp metal spikes, they were punctured, the car, going to fast, (those impatient gaijin fools)slid out of control, and hit a telephone pole. Quickly, he dispatched the semi-conscious driver, and slipped back into the night. His delivery was safe now. But the distraction cost time, he had only seven minutes to get to the house! Using the confusion the crash created, he was able to avoid the citizens of the street he was delivering to. Easily he flipped over the fence, as he faced it for a second during the somersault, he tossed a pouch of ninja powder into the doghouse, incapacitating the dog there. He landed and immediately jumped again, this time landing on the roof with all the noise of a feather landing. Then he heard a squeak behind him. Reacting instantly, he drew a shuriken from a hidden pouch, and flung it at the source of the noise. the squirrel was lucky to have escaped with its life, it would never interfere with his deliveries again though. Reaching down to a window, he found unlocked. Ah ha, good customers, they might survive. Master told story about what happens to customers that do not pay. Hey, you don't like it? try being the ninja that has to do it. He jumped through the window, landing noiselessly on the floor, alert, and looking for threats, none, not even a hamster. hey, hamsters can be deadly, you don't know until you have been cornered by and angry hamster. It happened to me in training once, i don't want to talk about it. Seeing no one around, he slid down the stairs, depositing the two #2 combo in the living room, he slipped backwards out, careful not to upset the chi of the customers, merely feet away in the dining room, idly speculating about if the ninja would be forced to commit seppuku. Checking his watch, two minutes to spare, he had made it in time, customers might think differently, never knowing when ninja arrived, but the master knew, he always knew. The ninja smiled behind his mask as he began his journey back to the dojo. Master would be pleased. ~ If you should need me Just call toll-free 1-800 ninja burger yum
Date: Wed, 11 Apr 2001 22:34:59 EDT From: ******@aol.com To: email@example.com Subject: Ninja Story! The ninja leader motioned for a ninja to go to the left and one to the right, the third to stay with him. All were members of a Burgerjitsu school, sneering at the Burgerdo schools. The man who had placed the unusually large NinjaBurger order (25 double burgers, 18 fries-of-our-ancestors, seven Onions-of-death, BUT NO COLA! Also, last time he ordered, the WASABI REMAINED UNEATEN!) Very suspicious, and an insult to his honor. . .and this was SamuraiBurger territory. SO they were being extra-cautious. He froze, and all the ninja became motionless. He noticed a suspicius form through the window. Aha! He moved! The two characteristic swords were stuck into the figures belt. He motioned to the ninja, and they lept, cat-like, to the roof. The leader used a hand mirror to count the number of samurai in each room. Eight, total. He signaled to the other ninja, telling them the plan. The leader dropped into the room, behind the samurai. He crept up silently, and readied the silk-covered chain he kept ready on his wrist. He leapt and strangled the unsuspecting samurai, gently lowering him to the floor. He dragged the body out of sight, noting that by now, the other ninja have hit their targets. The leader unfolded the bow strapped to his back, and nocked an arrow.he rolled into the hallway, firing an arrow through another samurai's voicebox, but not killing him. The leader ran swiftly up and finished him with a poison tipped dagger. Whirling around, he threw the dagger at a third samurai who rushed into the hall to see what was going on. It caught him in the ear canal, penetrating the brain and killing him instantly. The Leader could hear the sounds of a swordfight in a room down the hall. He ran silently to the door, and carefully looked in. A ninja and the last samurai were engaged in a to-the-death match. The ninja was using the katana from a dead samurai that was in the room. The other ninja ran up, but the leader stopped them from interfering. He knew that the young knija must finish this himself. Suddenly, the samurai performed a complicated twisting manuver and slit the ninja's belly. Suddenly, three shriken sproted from the samurai's neck, thrown by the remaining ninja. Then they roamed the house, looking for the man who had placed the order. They found him, hiding under his bed.Then the ninja crucified him, upside-down, in his front yard, as a warning to the neighborhood. Don't mess with NinjaBurger! Haruyasa Inaba
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